Remorse

Noting hurts more than thinking that you have all the time in the world to pay someone back for all the good things the did for you along the years then coming to a surprise that you were wrong all along.

This just leaves you with this scare deep inside that you are not that good of a person you thought you were.

I wish I never left !

Deny !

Not in a million years I thought there would come a day where my mom's voice is on my far fetched wish list. Mom; one of these realities that you take for granted, never doubt not even for a second that it might just not be there anymore. I mean it just doesn't add up she has always been there and she just has to always be, what do you mean she is gone, no I don't believe you, I don't want to believe you , I choose not to !!


I spent twenty six years of of life believing that those who live in denial are the weak, in my twisted little mind I thought that we are capable of overcoming any hardship, I did !! . But now I get it, denial is easy, soothing, intoxicating and invigorating; you don't have to deal with hardships because they don't exist. Build a reality , your very own reality where Mom never leaves and you can still call her whenever you are feeling blue, under the weather, worthless or even experiencing an over dose of your self pity. She doesn't have to tell you anything, just hearing her voice should be enough.

God bless denial, for all I know it is what is going to keep me going for years to come !!

Screw feelings;
For they are so irrational and I aspire to be nothing but rational !